how does you stay faithful to your wife / handle lust?

I am new to this, and have a similar need for advice. Not sure if this is the right place to ask for it, but here it goes. I have had a similar situation when I was young --and throughout my life, except that I did not find other women more attractive than my wife. I am deeply in love with my wife and was successful in staying faithful for 25 years, then (perhaps a mid-life crises) I had a brief affair. That was 20 years ago, and it was the most painful experience of my life. I finally broke it off, confessed to my wife, and vowed that I would never do it again.
My wife and I have had an active and happy sexual relationship, but then she went through menopause and lost interest in sex. I tried for a long time to accept it, but sex became difficult. I tried meditation and returned to zen practice, but I was left with a deep hole in my life -a sense of incompleteness. A young attractive woman (a friend of ours) began flirting with me. I told her repeatedly that I did not want to get involved with her, but she persisted and I finally broke down. We have been having an affair for over a year. I am almost 70 and the return to intense sex is intoxicating for me and it removed my sense of incompleteness. The other women is unhappy in her marriage. I told her that am still deeply in love with my wife and only my wife and that it would never change. She says she can accept that. I have tried to break it off but I keep going back in part because it fills a need and in part because she continues to pursue me. I am filled with shame and the obvious answer is just stop, but stopping leaves me feeling deeply incomplete. Any advice?

I couldn't bear it if my husband was unfaithful - it would really wreck our relationship - and I know he feels the same. Some might say that we lack confidence to have this feeling - but exclusivity is very important to both of us.

Having said that, I can appreciate that it can be very difficult if one partner wants a sexual relationship and the other one no longer does. However I know I would make an effort - even if I didn't want to - to keep my OH in our relationship and to prevent him from finding relief elsewhere. I guess it's also something that couples find hard to discuss. Have you spoken to your wife and does she know how hard it is for you to refrane from sex?

I appreciate that every couple have to have a relationship that works for them - but have you thought about what would happen to your relationship and your family if she found out? If we can't tell our partners something, it means we probably shouldn't be doing it!

I'm not a man so am not sure if things feel different when you are a man - and I'm sorry that I can't offer you any more concrete advice. I guess its something for you to weigh up and decide upon.

Thanks for your honest advice. I'm afraid that I have less of an excuse than it sounds. My wife has never denied me sex. It is just that after almost 10 years of sex with a partner showing no interest has finally taken its toll on me. You may not think you have given me advice, but you have. You were both sympathetic and yet did not tell me it was OK. Maybe I didn't need much more than that.

I will break it off.

Thanks for your advice.

Have you thought about exploring this more with your wife and trying to find some way you can still have a the sort of relationship you want? Perhaps there are physical problems she is having that could be looked into - we women have a lot of changes to our bodies as we get older - sometimes it is in our heads, and at other times it is physical and can be helped. If necessary go and see a therapist if you can.

My main concern was that you may find your family life fall around your ears if she finds out what is going on - I really feel bad about giving advice that may lead you to be very unhappy.

Good luck and I hope you find a way to sort this out.

I'll give it a try. Regardless, after 46 years of an extremely happy marriage I don't want to go on violating her trust with the chance of hurting her. I have only discussed this with you, so just having someone else's thought has been helpful.

I will make this work.

Thanks again.

I stay faithful by looking past the 'event' and think about the consequences if caught. How much I would lose and how hurt I would be with out my boyfriend that I have now. And I also think "Why would I want to jump out of a Cadillac and into a pinto?" LOL

I Never jeopardize a definite for a maybe.

Make Your Wife Hot: My Blog