Is marriage natural or artificial?

Hi all,
I was wondering something. How do you all feel about the institution of marriage, which is inherently binding, commitment-oriented, and thus technically the antithesis of freedom?

Frankly, I've always felt that there was something "unnatural" about an artificial contract binding two people together for life. I mean, love itself should be enough for two people to be together, but why does it require a government contract to bind you for the rest of your life? It seems like being chained or imprisoned for life.

Yet you are supposed to want this, and taught that you are "incomplete" without it. It doesn't make sense and seems like madness to me.

Plus, marriage doesn't take into mind the reality that people change their mind and evolve in different directions, they are mutable not fixed, and therefore a union may not be forever. So in a sense, marriage is attempting to control human nature and resist change, which is totally unnatural of course. Isn't the key to success adapting to change?

Yet people are conditioned to want the lifetime commitment of marriage, and see it as a natural part of life, or else they will be unfulfilled. It's ironic and I don't get it. But most people buy into it.

Of course, I'm afraid to tell others this, especially people who are conservative, square, and follow the established order of things, because as you know, it's a "taboo thought" to think this way, even if it makes sense.

Furthermore, I think that to be locked to one person for life and have 3 billion other choices eliminated from your life for good, takes away all of the adventure, experiences, joy and variety in life. It would be like being forced to eat nothing but pepperoni pizza everyday for the rest of your life. At first it'll be good, but after a while you'll get tired of it, feel imprisoned for losing your freedom and choices, and lose out on all the other wonderful foods out there besides pepperoni pizza. That would be a sad tragedy.

Why am I so different than everyone? I often feel like I'm in a "Twilight Zone" and the only one that thinks for himself and doesn't follow the pack.

In Taiwan and America, my two countries, you are seen as incomplete if not married, for it considered one of the milestones of "normal life" that everyone follows.

Any thoughts or comments?

PS - I've noticed that the times I've wanted to be married the most were when I was desperately lonely. But when I'm not lonely, I see no need for it.

I can think of an evolutionary explanation for it.

Women have evolved to want long term security. It's good to have someone around for protection and to help raise the offspring. Being in a long term marriage helps a woman's offspring thrive and ensures that her genes are passed on.

Men, meanwhile, have evolved to want to have sex as often as possible. The more sperm we pass on the better our chances of passing on our genes. In this case being married gives us more opportunity for copulation. You may argue that marriage limits variety, but consider that married men generally have sex more often than single men. It's also interesting that the divorce rate is pretty high and children raised by single mothers are common. Were men just fighting their instincts all that time?

You can see that marriage is benificial in both cases. I agree that it isn't ideal. It's just what has evolved.

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You say that married men have more sex than single men. That's only true in America and other countries like it. I am living in the Philippines now and the exact opposite here, which is why many men here consider it to be "dating paradise". I can get as much sex as I want here, with an unlimited number of girls, from all walks of life, not just whores. In a monogamous relationship here, the novelty wears off and so does the sexual excitement. I definitely have less sex here when I am committed to one girl vs. being single. But I stay in my current relationship for the emotional satisfaction from it, not the sexual one.

In any case, I think this quote sums up my thoughts on marriage: "All weddings are similar, but every marriage is different."

Quite frankly, there are various reasons that people get married today. Some, its a public display of being with just one person. Others use it for personal gain, financial gain, etc. I don't feel there is just one reason, even if marriage did start out for just one purpose, its not that way anymore. I might use it to show my personal commitment, you might use it to get all those benefits that come with it. It just depends on who you are and what you're doing.

Also, various people have various amounts of sex. There isn't a 'one national statistic' on which guys have more sex. I know plenty of guys who are single and have a chick each day, and I know plenty of married men who fight to get sex once a month (and some of those are going to a marriage councilor). Its really a personal thing, just like what kind of sex you like. Some men like the basics, others are more into... you know... other things.

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There's a few interesting theories I've read about marriage.

One is that a man anf woman pairing off wasn't originally meant to be for life. That they'd get together and have a child or two, and he'd stay with her while the children were still very small and vulnerable to protect them and to help provide for them while the woman isn't as easily able to go out gathering food. Once the children were a bit older she'd go and live with the other women, and they'd all help each other out watching over the children and the man and woman were then free to pair off with other people if they wanted to.

Another interesting idea is that monogomy has come about as a result of society becoming more egalitatrian for men (women's rights are not taken into account in this! In fact it's a disadvantage to them.) It used to be that the richest and most powerful men could have lots of wives. And that was as much an advantage to the women as to that man. They may have had to share him, but at least they still got the chance at the best genetic material and status for their children. Of course, if the chief has all the best women, the rest of the men have fewer and less desirable ones to choose from. Some men would get no women at all. Naturally they'd be a tad ticked off about this. As equality between men grew and the powers of monarchs were more curtailed, and especially once the king wasn't above the rules of the local religion, then the harems started to empty. Now more of the men had a chance to find a wife. So though men may complain about monogomy, it's actually to their advantage in general terms. Monogomy is better than enforced celibacy! Monogomous marriage isn't as much of an advantage to women, since once the king is spoken for, the rest of the ladies have to start lowering their standards. Wink

And one of my favourites thought is that the idea of marriage for life was set up long before people were living into their 50s, never mind their 80s! Infectious disease killed people at a rate we've forgotten about since we invented antibiotics. Women died in childbirth more often than now. Death did for people then what divorce does for us now.

All intriguing theories, I think.

Everyone is different, and marriage may just not be for you. It isn't for everyone, and there is nothing wrong with that. I would be careful about judging people as 'following the pack' for accepting marriage though.

I personally felt like an outsider much like you, but for a different reason. I'm almost entirely commitment oriented, and I always have been. I didn't come from a religious background, being raised conservative (I am very liberal) or have parents who foisted the idea onto me, it was just part of who I was.

I see commitment as a positive thing, but that (in the case of marriage as well as other things) people jump into it far too quickly. Too many people will get married long before they even really know each other, nonetheless find out how compatible they are in the long term. I've been dating my girlfriend now for 7 years and only now, after seeing that we can live and work together compatibility, are we talking about marriage.

Love is enough to hold people together without needing institution, but seeing marriage as simply something to 'hold people together' is missing the point of marriage in my eyes. Marriage is at it's heart a commitment, the act of committing yourself to another person. It is an expression of love, and the relationship you have with the other person. It's a representation of the feelings you have, not a chain forcing you together. And for many people it's not necessary, and there is nothing wrong with that. But I look forward to the day I get to express my love, devotion, and commitment to my partner in marriage.

Guess I'm just expressing that not everyone who is in favor of marriage as an institution is a sheep, or being forced into an unnatural life by society. Everyone is different, just try not to throw rocks at the other side just because they are different then you.

-Ronny

Well its up to you if its artificial
or natural if you treat it like artificial
your marriage will be artificial
its really up to the person how she
handles her marriage or relationship
toward her or his partner.

--Steph

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“The perfect wedding with wedding favors and wedding songs to cherish”.

In marriage, it depends how a person think about it, I myself believes with it... Its a natural ceremony for two people who have big love and respect with each other,..

Some people don't agree with marriage for a simple reason, they are afraid of responsibilities, afraid to face the challenge of being a parent, . . which is not reasonable actually..

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